Change is Perpetuity

Perpetuity (noun) defined by the oxford dictionary as the state or quality of lasting forever; can you tell where I'm going with this? Let's just say you aren't picking up:

Change is the act or process through which something (someone) becomes different; as a human, we suffer no permanency in our lives we just exist. No matter how much we want to live we often end up just existing.

    Today's entry is more of a relatable diary entry than anything else, I've been in a perpetual battle between me ( the version of me from the future ) myself ( the version of myself that living in the present), and I ( I am is the past self ).  I've been going through a metamorphosis and it's been extremely hard; at one point I felt as if I had no purpose and I was extremely nomadic in my thoughts and actions. Life has been extremely difficult and I could not pinpoint what was making me sad, I just was. 

I had a hard time rooting myself because I had a hard time feeling: the only emotions I knew well were anger and disappointment. I never understood the concept of love which makes change hard, which makes each and every one of us slip back into self-destructive habits because its what we are comfortable with, like the people of Israel we ignore God's subtle ( and sometimes obvious) hints and we end up moving around in circles.

    The reason why I compare myself to the people of Israel is that like them I was stubborn and constantly went back to the thoughts and comfortability of 'Egypt'; Egypt being a past state of mind or situation or bad habits. I kept using old methods of self-soothing instead of seeking God and actually listening to his commands. 

                     Why does Change feel like perpetuity?

    Change is perpetuity for two main reasons, in my most humble of opinions:

1. Change is the only constant thing in life, our bodies develop, we become more mature, maybe life has hardened us or maybe life is looking up. The one constant in all those situations is change

2. We refuse to learn. Yup! I know I've refused to learn whether I wanted to believe it or not.

    But when we refuse to listen to God's commands we end up in a cycle and feel stuck because if we don't learn the lesson God is trying to teach us then we'll be stuck in that lesson until we can say "I get it now!" Just like back in school, if a teacher was trying to teach us a topic they wouldn't stop repeating and reteaching until the student got it. The people we find ourselves around tend to enable and encourage our negative behaviors, so I recommend solitude in addition to prayer and supplication with a contrite spirit to reflect your difficult lesson. In our lives, God is our ultimate teacher and until we finally get it, we will be stuck in cycles where we feel like we make 1 step forward and 10 steps behind.

        Because we refuse to learn we end up feeling like we're stuck. I finally realized how stuck I was and why many of the changes I tried to implement fell flat: I was trying to do it on my own and when I realized that I can't do anything without God I decided to give up and release the death grip I had on my life. I'm beginning to understand things like LOVE. God's love for us truly amazes me and made me begin to understand self-love and not only self-love but the type of love I should expect from others whether romantically or brotherly. 

Friends as I close today's entry I just want you to know that this entry took me more than two months to complete and finally have an understanding of the statement I defined today. I know firsthand that change is difficult but also necessary. I pray that this entry helped you in your transformation process.